Day 4, Home, Jabalpur (M.P.)

Lo... Main phir aa gaya.
Aaj subah se hi mera mood thoda naram garam tha. Kal din bhar ka HANGOVER jo nahi utra tha. Shaam hote hote jo kuch hua usne us HANGOVER par, Aag par ghee jaisa kaam kiya. Aaj subah main stadium nahi ja paya. Neend 6 ke bajaye 6:30 pe khuli, isliye. Hai na ek achcha sa excuse... par main kya karun yaar, mujhe jaane main koi problame nahi hai lekin meri neend to khule. Kher... Chaay peekar apni sanstha ka Certificate aur Ticket design kiya, is baat se anjaan ki shaam ko usmain SACHIV mahoday phir koi kami nikalenge. Aur wohi hua jiska dar tha. Itihaas gawah hai ki meri design ki hui koi bhi cheez unhen ek baar main pasand aa gayee ho. Har baar koi na koi kami. Kabhi ye hata do to kabhi wo hata do, iski jagah wo kar do, uski jagah ye kardo. Pareshaan ho gaya hun main. Mera galat faayda uthate hain log. Aaj to maine sabke saamne bol diya ki - "Kisi ko santust kar pana bahut mushkil hai." Mujhe lagta hai unke paas ASTHETIC SENSE (saundary bodh) nahi hai. Tabhi wo meri design ki hui cheezen nahi samajh paate. Photographer, Light Operetor, Secretary hain to kya hua. Today was the last day when I composed something for any theatre group in JBP. Jab tak mujhe rough work (raw material) kiya hua nahi milega, main use compose nahi karunga. Main apni mehnat ko apne saamne nakaare jaate hue nahi dekh sakta. Saala, ek to matter bhi banao, design bhi karo, composing bhi karo, print bhi nikalo (ye sab paisa apni jeb se jata hai)... aur uske baad sunne kya milta hai - ye hata do, wo hata do. 'SAALA' se badi gaali main yahan nahi likh sakta, lekin feeling poori wohi hai. Main jab bhi koi designing karne apni table par baithta hun to mere saamne ek hi baat hoti hai ki main jo bana raha hun wo dekhne main achcha lage, chubhe na aankhon ko kisi bhi tareh se... Wo Rang, Composing, Designing, Layout aur Rules ke hisaab se Dekhne, Sunne, Padhne wale ko achcha lage. Main ye nahi dekhta ki kya hona chahiye aur saamne wala kya keh raha hai, Main ye dekhta hun ki Kya achcha lag raha hai. Waise to adhikatar maamlon main 'SAAMNE wala' kuch kehta hi nahi hai, sirf HUKM deta hai, FARMAAN jaari kar deta hai ki phalaan cheez design kar lena... Are mere bhai, pehle raw material to do... Is condition main, main jo bana ke la raha hun use poori tareh se sweekar to karlo, nahi to bolo mat. Main thodi na kisi se bolne jaata hun ki mujhse design karao.

Bhailog, 30 may wala show khataaee main pad sakta hai. Dada ja rahe hain bahar aur 'SACHIV mahoday' bhi... Lekin maine bol diya ki main to show karke rahunga. Bewakoof nahi hun jo 2 maheeno se Dadhi-Mooch badha raha hun us show ke liye. I must say ki poore Jabalpur main, main ek akela aisa Theatre Artist hun, Ek hi aisa Kalakar hun jo THEATRE ko uski poori maan-maryadaon, naitiktaaon ke saath karta hai, Khud ki zindagi ki keemat par.

Aaj main apne us 'bhootpoorv' guru se bhi mila, thodi khari-khari sunaaee unhen. Aap sab unka naam janna chahte honge. Lekin main aisa nahi karunga kyonki wo shaks aaj bhi kisi ka bhagwan hai, uske jaisa patrkar saare vishv main nahi, uske jaisa insaan milna mushkil hai, main unke pairon ki dhool bhi nahi hun lekin unki sirf ek kami ne unhe mere liye bhootpoorv bana diya - Un par Vishwas, Bharosa nahi kiya ja sakta. Aur in do cheezon ke bina upar likhi unki saari qualities bekar hain.

Main pichle 5-6 saalon se emotional crises se guzar rah hun aur aaj ki date main koi ek vyakti aisa nahi hai jo 'Mera Ho', koi ek aisa nahi hai jise main apne dil ki baaten keh sakun, Mere Mummy-Papa bhi nahi. Dost bahut hain lekin... Chalo chodo. Aagar 'WO' aaj mere saath hoti to hum ek achcha pair banate... Jab hum saath the to kuch log kehte the ki tumhari jodi achchi lagti hai. Yes, I Truly Deserve her. Is baare main jo log ye bakwaas kehte hain ki tumhen wo isliye nahi mili ki koi aur achchi milne wali hai to bahiya meri shaadi kisi bhi heroin se kara do to bhi kya - mujhe 'WO' to nahi mil na... Uske baad mere liye kisi bhi cheez ka koi matlab nahi. Ek line uske liye :

"Uske swabhav main bhi to kuch kharapan hoga,
Nahi to kyun Ganga aakar Sagar se milti hai..."

aur :

"Mujhse bichad ke khush rehte ho,
Meri tareh tum bhi jhote ho..."

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